I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My balls are so social today.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
