Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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