Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
