This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
