So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
