He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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