she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
