You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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