but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
