glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
