I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
