We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize