they need to just BURY HIM!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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