i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
