My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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