Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your cock deserves a montage
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
