We got so high we made milksteak
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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