why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize