Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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