You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
