Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
