if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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