on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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