its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
