Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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