Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
