I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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