If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
