i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
