Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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