We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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