I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bring me that man meat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
