did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
