we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
