so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
