i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize