She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
