I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
