Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
