Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
