Already got asked if we're dating
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This is my life. Enjoy the view
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
