Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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