New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We need a shit load of segways right now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
