One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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