just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
