Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
