I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize