Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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