it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
