Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
