wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
