Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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