you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
