You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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