sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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