i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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