I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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