Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
