You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
