Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
