Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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