Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
