Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
