Define "chronic" masturbator.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
