he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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