Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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