it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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