My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
