I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize