Your face is a jimmy john
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
