Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
