I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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