So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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