his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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