Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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