She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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