My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
