And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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